So The Love Story Ends

It’s about time that I tell the story behind the heartrending tweets. It’s almost four weeks, and today should have been another month added to six years. Few more, we could have turned seven. But all stories, even the good ones, must come to an end.

Nimmy and I broke up.

He threw the towel and all I can do is yield.  No words can describe the feeling during that day, when all I thought, this can never happen.  As I try to look back and reflect on my past actions, I’m torn between thinking I was never enough or we are never in unison in our last months as partners. I was like playing the wrong tune and was playing the music out in the orchestra. I’m left out, or I left him out. We’re doing it differently, when it shouldn't be.

The sad part I guess is that I kept closed ears, and blocked the senses of the heart.  When all is falling apart, I was blinded in my optimistic view about relationship and our future. When perhaps he was crying in pain, I was there fighting my own battle in life. When perhaps I was alone and tired, he was there, he's turn to fight his own battle. That shouldn't be the case when for all the experiences I have, I should have seen it coming, and could have done something. I may have the instinct on things, but I decided to ignore and go with the flow. For I’m faced with the idea and vision of love and eternal. My vision was joy, but together, it was not.

Perhaps people reading this and have experienced broken-hearted, may relate to the pain I’m going through. It pains me too, that he’s going through the same.  But I know he is that strong because he was able to call it out on me. It was not an easy task, however I know that he’s happy in his decision. I believe it was the best for us, and I support him all throughout.

And life has to move on…

I have a career to take care of, plans to carry out, and my family who’s been very supportive in all my endeavors. Despite the many failed relationships they have witnessed, they are still there to support. I guess it was just for me to re-learn the values of love in the family. It’s a learning process, and I know that life will eventually unfold to me on greater heights. This situation also made me realize who true friends are.  To those, thanks for listening to me. The wisdom never failed me, that in times of trouble and grief, only few friends will be there to console. I’m thankful for those who understood us, and for those people who never left him. I still care for him, for I know I can survive alone.

I remember the things I learned in The Alchemist. That this relationship may have been a Personal Legend that I have achieved, one should not be discouraged to find another Personal Legend. The heart should move on, the same way that we want to discover ourselves.

As for Nimmy, I know he’s still young and I know he’ll go places. He’s smart, and he’s destined to be whatever he wants to be. I’m proud of him and I’m forever thankful for his kindness and love.

There are so many things going on in my mind, and I hope thoughts will settle soon in the form of plans and actions. I’m positive things will work out just fine. It better be.

As I try to find myself, I hope that the Universe trust me to love again soon.

Reborn

I was thinking of something to write after the last blog entry I had last August. It’s been two months and I kind of left the blogging world for a period of time. When I think about it, I felt there’s nothing significant happening in my life. Irony is, I’ve been very busy with my career  and personal life– typical alibi for someone who’s been procrastinating in a certain hobby that is blogging. Truth of the matter is, I’ve been wanting to do a video blog. But by just thinking on the relentless hours you pour towards this activity, I’d rather just take those hours to recuperate from the stressful world of the BPO.

I was in Boracay previous to this weekend, to celebrate my 32^nd.  You know, for someone like me, you will seldom get to celebrate birthdays out of town. I was the conventional celebrant not until 2010 when I got to celebrate it outside the confines of our home. 2011 was an all throughout different story. But 2012 has been the far most exciting of all the birthdays. One, I was in the beach. Two, I was with Nimmy all day long.

It was also the time I get to reflect on my past goals in life and realign them to what’s pressing and pragmatic. You see, I’m a person who would really want to dream and achieve BIG. It’s a cycle I’ll never get tired of. There have been a lot of bumps along the way and I learned to move on and control frustrations. Signs of getting old I guess.

2012 was a change/leap of faith and so far I’ve been reaping the fruits this year. At the age of 32, I just feel that my journey has been a blast. I may not be as successful like the others in terms of their career and wealth however, I feel that my experience in life has really given me a deeper understanding of myself and it made me more content as to who I am, and what I am capable of. As the cliché goes, “Age is just a number.” And I agree, there’s nothing young or old in terms of knowing your niche. I say this in terms of knowing what you really want or your purpose in life. I personally think it’s in your pattern – your destiny.  Your choice affects the journey but at the end of it all, it brings you to your fate.

I learned from my vacation who, what, where, when to PRIORITIZE. I reflected on things but I think that is too personal to share in this blog. One important thing though, is that I’m really HAPPY. Thanks to the relationship I currently have with Nimmy, and the career I honestly feel I deserve. Along the way, people come and go in my life, I hope in some ways I was able to bring value and inspiration to them.  We get wiser when we meet and learn from people and I really hope I did my share.

Thanks to all the birthday greetings I got from Facebook, Twitter, BBM and text messages! It’s nice hearing from people I didn’t get to talk to all the time. I appreciate all the gestures. Yes, I’m 32, but I really do feel more auspicious chapters will unveil soon. I’m excited for the years ahead for the breakthroughs and milestones I’m claiming as early as now.

I end with the parting words that dawned on me on our flight from Kalibo to Manila -"Life is not good all the time, but that what makes the journey worthwhile."

Run Away to Baguio

More than a week ago, I went up to Baguio with Nimmy and five others with just one goal in mind, escape the fast-paced milieu of the metro.

It took that long for me to write this because of two things - I felt my fellow bloggers captured our story very well that I ended up thinking, I might just be duplicating parts of their work, and number two, I've been guilty of procrastination doubled up by lack of time, stress in work and endless questioning of, "How will I start?"

You see, I've been longing to have this time to escape and just adore some scenery, not think about the stressful life in the office, spend more time with Nimmy and enjoy the company of my blogger friends. After going back to work five months ago, I think I'm smart to take advantage of this time to travel, get to slack off a bit, buy some time to reflect and feel the magnificent balance my mind and heart is yearning.

Before I get to enumerate all the benefits of traveling, allow me first to give thanks to the following people. 

Nimmy - my Mahal. I'm happy he approved my traveling expense and I'm sure he'll agree it's all worth spending for. He met in advance some of the folks we were with in Baguio and I'm happy he goes along well with them too. Mahal and I shared bed and believe me, nothing beats cuddling in the City of Pines. I can never forget the time he slept just few minutes his face landed my chest. Yes, he is that tired after our first day trip. I always get to enjoy traveling because of him. He cares for me and never leaves my side. Lucky to have him as my boyfriend. 

Bino - you know the saying, "Action speaks louder than voice?" Bino is the typical guy that you would want as a friend. He listens and observes intently. His action fits for a father. He doesn't talk that much but through action he has shown care for the group. He wakes up early to prepare breakfast, he had the whole trip planned by creating the itinerary and contacting some folks for our accommodation. In other words, he's like our "go-to" person. He's like a big brother to all of us. He's overflowing with leadership and I must say, I'm one of the lucky folks to have him as a friend. He's a keeper! He easily laughs at my jokes and punchlines. A great company all throughout.

Karlo - similar to Bino, he's somewhat taciturn yet when he speaks, he speaks with sharpness and wit. He's the assigned chef of the group exhibiting his mastery with red sauce spaghetti and hotdogs! He's easy to get a long with opposed to his embedded character as "suplado." Though I can say he has that propensity at times he is quiet, he had always shown immense interest and attention when I speak, which in turns makes me earnestly listen to him back when he tells some stories.

Desoleboy - my comedic buddy. I'm not sure, but with how we connect during our Baguio trip is beyond my comprehension. Our exchanges in punchlines seemed to be endless. DB like his blog is a deep person. He might have impressed upon people his darkness in writing, but I never get to see that when we laugh. I always get to see the positive side of this fellow maybe because he has been so transparent and honest to us. I appreciate the fact that he trusted us with his friendship, and with that I'm truly grateful for. It's a pleasure to hear stories of his work, his adventures and all others. He's a genius in disguise and for a person to be like him, one can be so arrogant, but never did I feel that with him. He listens and shares, perfect formula for a friendship to last a lifetime.

Theo - the baby of the group. I can sense a neophyte blood running through him when I saw him the first time in Baguio. He's like a fragile piece in our mainstream. He's a fresh graduate, learning the ropes of career building and very idealistic in a good way. As such, I feel that it could have been our barrier during the trip, he rarely opens up to the group, yet he is receptive to our discussions. Funny that albeit our jam-packed itinerary he managed to still publish a blog that day. Feels like he has a world of his own, yet being the more matured ones we reached out to ensure he's enjoying and he gets what he need. The trip is proven to be short for us to get to know him more. But his presence really completed our entire stay, and made it colorful.

Mar - I only found lately that I've been following his blog for a long time now. During the planning stage, I get to see his Twitter name mentioned along side my name and being that stranger, I was worried that I'll be spending Baguio with someone I never get to interact with. So I followed him, he followed me back, but it was crazy that we still never had that interaction. Looking at his timeline, I can only see Instagram tweets so I can never really create a full assumption of his personality. Nonetheless, it was never a deterrent to mingle and meet new folks. I'm surprised that after meeting him, I find that we share the same humor. We clicked and it was really fun being with him. Mar was actually our assigned negotiator for cab drivers. He might not have noticed but I was observing him while he talks to the driver. He has this charisma that rarely finds rejection. He had this technique that I learned that I can find useful in the future. Mar is also generous and I find that his generosity stems from his character and the pureness of his heart.

As a group, it has been a very pleasant experience. My stay in Baguio was already complete with Nimmy all along, but the company and the different personalities of the group made it a notch higher. 

You see, blogging's purpose should never be limited to just opening your thoughts and emotions through words. It's a great medium to be heard by many. But one should never be afraid to step a little further and interact personally with people. While for some are still in the hideouts and complete anonymity, I find joy in just being myself and attract positive people to join the wagon of delightful existence. The group may have different individual point of views, religions and ages, our common denominator is to really just enjoy and avoid the misery from the workplace, finding a sense of balance and ignite the friendship.

We can never be successful in escaping the office hullabaloos, but we bring back a sense of thought that life is not all about the stress your work can bring. But you got friends and company to enjoy at your own pace.

So to Bino, Karlo, DB, Theo and Mar, may our friendship stay forever and grow more with people of the same mindset. It was an honor and privilege spending the days with you all in Baguio. See you soon!

Funny lines during our trip.

Me: Uy Mar, ikaw ba nag-grate nitong cheese?

Karlo: Uu, ngipin niya yung ginamit niya.

Me: Ah kaya pala may kick!

 (It all began with this conversation and we used "kick" in every aspect of our conversation. Crazy.)

***

Me: You know guys, ang sarap ng fruits na ito... Alam mo yun... Yung may burst of flavors. 

***

DB: Gusto ko umakyat sa taas. (Him trying to get inside a Benguet native hut, he made several attempts but was unsuccessful)

Me: So what's the struggle DB? (and DB burst some laughing)

***

Me: Oh guys picture, yung parang naglalakad paakyat ng stairs. (Mar dropping something and while picking up his stuff, I took the picture along side Bino, Karlo and DB)

Me: Ay Mar Verdan, mukha kang nagsstruggle sa picture. Are you ok?

***

Me: Jump shot! (And we almost had jump shots in every location except Pink Sisters)

***

DB: Gawa tayo ng video ng kanta ng One Direction!

All: No reaction. (Cricket sounds)

***

 Karlo: Nasaan si Theo?

Me: Ayun nag-bablog sa puno. 

 ***

3 High-Level Updates

The other day, I was browsing through some of the books I haven’t finished reading and one of it was “The God Delusion” written by Richard Dawkins. He’s an atheist writer I’ve learned to know during the time I was looking for some answers in life. He started the book with a story of his wife hating school during her younger years which when she disclosed the fact to her parents they asked, “Why didn’t you tell us darling?”

“I didn’t know I could.”

When I tried to reflect on my choices last year and early part of this year, the thought really stuck in my head that I’m responsible to my own destiny. My choices are mine, and mine alone. I always have the option to everything that can affect me. I did this by sharpening my intuition and putting my heart to all that I think is substantial for my growth, not physically, but growth in character and wisdom. Until this very day, things have been consistently going in my favor.  While at this time I didn’t ask nor summon for a favorable situation – one by one, destiny has become easy to comprehend. It’s you and you right now. It’s the present things you do. It’s not the future. 

You see, not knowing your options really can stir you to a different path.  Same thing though if you knew things, it can propel you to different sorts. We know knowledge is power.  It’s a source to determine and weigh things. It can bring you to life’s decision or choose not to decide – which in effect the same because it’s still a decision.  

My faith now was really not an accident. It’s not just a day in my life that I decide – “Hey, I’m an atheist, I don’t believe in god.” As far as my maturity goes, I learned that your choices are both driven by your analytics and your emotions. It’s not a rocket science or a matter of metaphysics that requires you understand the movement of energy pockets by one thing to the other.  It’s how you think and react to things thrown at you. I agree, I’ve been in a struggling and challenging life last year. While it could have been the fuel for my “unfaithfulness” in religion, I was really in a profound quest for my truth. Options have been springing out from every corner in my life, and as I try to sail my life, it has been a tremendous joy knowing what I really want, and knowing what I need to hold onto. No one can pay you a money’s worth, to label your own personal effectiveness. It’s yours alone. 

***

I’m on my fourth month in employment. Geese, it’s been a whole new learning experience for me. While people may think I’ve been a veteran in this industry, well for sure I think I’m not. Most of the folks I interact with have thought I’ve been in the company for so long but then again, come to think of it, I’ve been holding a position which exposes me to a lot of information. Information is knowledge I have up for my sleeves. It’s like a thing you can substitute for tenure. Who says you can’t be who you want to be? Read more and find that mastery in you. You’ll go a long way for sure.

My word of advice to people who are busy building their careers, “bullshit baffles the brain.” Learn stuff that can help you become better servants. Bring value to every hour you are paid. You attract your salary. It shouldn’t be the other way around. 

***

Nimmy and I have been a constant weekend date partners. It has been for months now. I’m not complaining. The current set-up of living in parent’s house, (well technically, he’s not since he’s renting a house with siblings) has been working for us just fine. 

This makes me revisit my thoughts about long-distance relationships. Will that thing work? I guess so. Looking at it from a different perspective, I see that Nimmy and I had this year-long investment in time, togetherness, understanding and commitment. While for some intimacy has been a major factor, I think it’s more than that, it’s a shared goal. Being managers in our jobs, we have learned that sticking to a goal while changing tactics and strategies along the way can be helpful. 

The key word is GOAL. 

Our main goal is really to have a blissful retirement. We’re on our tender years as professional and since we are earning good, it’s practical that we share the decision to invest and earn so that we can have comfortable lives when we get old.  While the government can’t give security to our union (I don’t want to dwell on this further but I will in the future), our sense of security for each other has never been tarnished. Again, it’s commitment. It’s the conscious effort you put together as partners to build a relationship to last.

En Route to Better Days

Slashed my two cards. Inspired from a good friend's blog entry.

I come from a poor family. Tracing my roots, I never heard any stories of my mama or papa being part of a well-off circle. True to the adage, “tell me who your friends are…” their friends as of the same income bracket. All that I know is that my papa used to be an OFW in Kingdom of Saudi Arabia for a decade. Through his earnings and my mom’s ability to manage their finances, my parents were able to invest on a farmland – now our mango farm, buy a house and a lot – now contested by the Araneta’s Carmel Development Incorporated (story found here) and was able to finance my college. I say we’re poor, because we always struggle until all meets end. Despite my parents investments on our farm and their sidelines at home, fact still remains, we don’t have consistent flowing income. I don’t want to dig in anymore to my sad stories like commuting to PUP Sta. Mesa just with 50 bucks daily allowance, or surviving 4 years of college just with one pair of jeans, 5 t-shirts and a sandal. Times were really tough during those days. Though it is still tough, my story now is of different leverage.

Education really prepared me. Beyond the textbooks and my professor’s lecture, I learned through meeting people. I learned the introduction to corporate calisthenics during my OJT in the Senate and DFA. I learned by listening to old people. I kept in mind their wisdom.  

As I started earning money, things changed for me and my family. I became an instant bread-winner. I sent my sister to college; my wallet has suddenly been a source of fund for us. Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining. I love helping out my family. It was just fair for me to provide, after my parents have helped me become who I want to be and for supporting me for any endeavors I’d like to pursue. For me, it’s automatic. They never have to ask. I will give. 

To tell you the truth, I had perpetual finances issue in my life. Only until recently. 

When my income started to increase after being a risk-taker (and successful with that) in my BPO career, that’s when it all started.  I started having credit cards and purchased some loans just to sustain whatever it is I never carefully planned of, say, luxuries. Funny thing, I can never quantify which goes where, or simply which goes as to be useful until now. I was never a wise-spender, obviously. 

It dawned on me few years back that debts can really wreck havoc my future. I started to read and study. I started to get curious. However, I never did change my way of life. I know stuff, but I never do anything. But when life started to tap me (metaphorically, of course), I started to plan out my life. My bad state of affairs during being unemployed really propelled me to start writing down my action plans. 

One person that really helped me in this ordeal is Nimmy. 

Nimmy being the smartest I know in terms of handling finances, have been my source of inspiration. I share what I learn from the books (credits to sir Robert Kiyosaki author of Rich Dad Poor Dad), and he shares what he learns from his current job. It was a couple’s synergy. Nimmy works in the biggest and brightest banks of the land and strategically, he also works in asset management, the field where I can get the most of intel. More than the knowledge Nimmy can provide, is the fact that his family has well kept values in the financial acumen. The value of saving has been tremendously passed over to him, which is the same value we share now in our relationship. 

Now that my finances are back to normal, (thanks to being employed, and being more financial mature), I let Nimmy do the finance tactics for a better increase in yield. We were not wrong with the plan. I have him manage all my earnings, and for me to say the least - just keep being frugal. Bottom line, as couples, we need to be transparent all the time. I can say we’re successful. 

I’m happy to write that as of May 9, two of my three major credit cards have been cut off. If not for Nimmy, and his foresight, this could not have been realized. We plan to carry out this plan for the next 6 months and expect results. However we surprised ourselves in just 2 months! The other credit card that I have is just to take care of my car's gasoline.

Well, I’d like to put on a record that the lesson here is not to have a smart boyfriend. It could have been easier. It’s a plus, but not a requirement. Financial intelligence is just one aspect. I guess what’s paramount is the fact that I decided, I planned, and I act. In so doing, it did help me more having a partner who talks the same language. 

Knowing I’m in a financial distress is one thing, doing something about it is another.  Having someone to help out is just perfect. 

Ok, ok. I know I can’t be a savings expert. But in my experience, I really learned that money after all is not the problem. What do you think? Well your guess is as good as mine. 

So I come from a poor family. But that doesn’t hinder me from not aspiring for better and comfortable life. All it takes is the drive to learn and take action, and the propensity to control one self.  I probably read this somewhere, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity…” I can relate totally. 

Always take the time to prepare. Don’t be afraid to learn. Take risk. Like so many people, they failed. I do too and I will still fail some more. But I learned from them. I may have failed and left me impecunious, but  in the end, I become smarter. It fueled my desire to achieve, not only for myself, but also for my family, for Nimmy. 

"I can do anything, I believe I can do..." -Stin Hansen, Motivational Self-Talk

67th Monthsary!

Nakakatuwang isipin na sa hinahaba ng pagsasama namin ni Nimmy, hindi pa rin nagbabago ang uri ng aming pag-uusap. Kung sa text man ito o kung magkaharap man kami, aakalain siguro ng sinuman na kami ay may sapak sa utak. Kasi madalas para kaming mga bata o mga sintu-sinto na akala mo’y hinihila ang mga pisngi o kaya’y nilalamutak ang mukha, para lang maging charming o cute.

“I love you mahaaal…”

“Eeeee… Mahal na mahal kita asawa ko…”

Kababawan man ito sa ilang intelektuwal na nilalang, hindi ko sukat isipin na mabubuhay ako kung wala ito bilang parte ng buhay ko. Kumpleto ang buhay ko dahil mayroon isang taong sumasakay sa aking kababawan. Na kahit ano man ang marating ko sa buhay, hindi ako mahihiya na marinig niya ako maghilik habang natutulog, na marami akong pekas sa balat, na minsan kailangan naming mag-usap kahit bagong gising kami at alam niyo naman ang halimuyak ng iyong bibig kapag kakagising mo lang sa umaga. Hindi ako nag-aalinlangan kapag mayroon akong kailangang sabihin sa kanya, tapat ko itong nasasabi, kahit ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin ay mga kung ano-anong walang kwenta.

Minsan nakinig ako sa isang guided meditation at sa isang diskusyon, may nagsalita tungkol sa authentic prosperity. Marami akong natutunan at isa dun ay ang ego mo ay patuloy kang sasabihan na may kulang sa ‘yo. At sa meditation, matututo kang kumawala sa ganitong patibong. Masayang nabuksan ang aking isipan na tila ba ako’y nagising sa katotohanan. Ako ay nabiyayaan ng napakagandang bagay sa buhay ko. Habang ang ilan ay nagkukumahog maghanap  ng kasintahan, at yung iba ay bagot na sa kakahintay, yung iba naman ay busy sa pagkakayod at paghahanap buhay, at ang ilan naman ay mayroong mga kumplikadong suliranin na tinatahak sa buhay nila, ako nama’y masaya na sa mga pagkakataong dumaraan, lalo na ang pagkakataon ng magmahal ng isang tao na alam kong binigay ng Panginoon.

Sa iyo mahal, maligayang ika- 67^th monthsary natin.

Asahan mo na patuloy akong susuporta sa mga pangarap mo, at patuloy akong magiging tapat at mapagmahal mong kabiyak.  Ipinagdarasal ko ang mas magandang kinabukasan para sa atin.

Mahal na mahal kita. 

Dark

It is known truth that both of us has nurtured strong faith in Him. We believe in His omnipotence and His way of delivering His precious gifts and blessings to us. We do away with the thought that despite our kind of relationship, He still loves us and guides us the same way He does with straight couples. He's kind to each and everyone and that's how He will be forever. 

True enough, I've gathered from Mr. Schuller that there are stages in Faith. We come across several challenges that makes us question Him. We doubted His presence. I personally feel He has forgotten me. In this dark moment of my life, I requested for Him to feed my hope. Nimmy prayed for me that I may trounce this depression and bring me to a place where I can make use of my talent. Nimmy told me, "Mahal, we can't be busy together. God said, if that happens, it's going to be difficult for us." He's right. I suddenly felt guilt for thinking that way. I can still remember how Nimmy narrated how God answered him. From then on, we never showed any signs of reluctance not to believe. 

But I'm just human. 

As I write this entry, I am then again feeling the need to be alone, to ostracize myself, rethink and find myself. It's becoming a cycle, it's not that easy, mind you. I despise it. 

No self-help book can rally round yours truly. I'm on the verge of not even trusting myself and my friends. I'm plain weird. 

Just few hours ago, I received a text informing me that my application got pended. Another rejection blown to my face. It's been a year of recollecting myself, trying to think of what else to do and aspire for. Seeing a lot of closed doors has becoming a hobby, I needed to get out. 

I'm in dark. 

When Kids are Not Kids (literally)

Our household is composed of the usual cast; the Mother, the Father, Sister and Brother. I’m the eldest and I’ve seen my sister and brother become adults right before my very eyes. When I was still young, they were babies. Unlike most of the elder siblings, I don’t get jealous by my parent’s ardent attention with the juvenile rowdy broods. I got a life of my own and I only need minute guidance from mama and papa. When I was a kid, I got high expectations upon myself and I felt the need to inspire the kids to study well like me. I thought I got 50% success rate in that goal, having my sister graduate BS Nursing and my younger brother, still a work in progress. He’s out from college pursuing rock music.

Growing up, I was used to having kids running around the house. I used to seeing crayon marks in the wall, toys all around the living room and candy wrappers hidden under the sofa. Apart from the usual riot I see almost every day, my parent’s voice lingers in every corner of the house. On those very moments, you can see me inside my room, studying. Or doing my favorite monologues or singing.

My parents now are nearly approaching their 60’s. The average age of the household now is sitting at 37.8. In other words, we’re getting old and the usual noise you hear at home is now replaced with the noise of TV, radio, dogs barking and neighbor’s children playing outside the street.  

Only until recently that we got to be friendlier to our pets. In comparison to the previous years, we’re generally friendly to our house pets but not to the point of allowing them inside the living room. They can just go as far as our dirty kitchen. They have their own abode in our garage or backyard.

Things have changed and we now miss having kids around. However, we can’t have the option of having another kid, for obvious reasons that Nimmy and I can’t produce our own. Adoption is not also an option. Raising a kid for us means we have to be very stable in all aspect. We’re working on it. My sister doesn’t have a boyfriend and I influenced sister enough with the need to establish a good life for her future kids. Brother has a girlfriend, but he’s well aware of the repercussion of having his own family. He’s definitely not ready for it.

So to satisfy our craving, we have established some special bonds with our pets. They can now enter the living room, play around the carpet - which by the way, have been exposed to our dog’s furry coat. It’s a struggle to clean. Cats can now wander around our rooms. Cats and dogs have been playmates and our spring door, their most favorite playground equipment. 

By the way, if you consider fighting cocks as pets, we have around 17 cocks- 12 found in our farm, 5 are in our backyard, tendered by my dad.  Whether they like it or not though, they can just stay where they are. 

I'd like to introduce our cute and lovable house pets. Apologies for the pictures, it's hard taking them when they are in constant playful motion and if you're just using a cellphone cam. Also, they have last names too, courtesy of my very prolific sister. Enjoy! 

Yuki Manashue, our 2 years old Canaan white breed dog. His tricks include high five and  puppy eyes.

Jamal Yaislamiya, 3 years old dwarf askal. He's the Mara in Mara Clara.

Cerberus Xrus, 3 years old dwarf askal, the Clara in Mara Clara. He's got special talent; licking walls and doors.

Lucio Cubangay, son of the famous blogger Nimmychan, chilling out in our car Nikki. 

Father and son, Nimmy and Lucio. This is also my current phone wall paper. So cute, I wanna  squeeze them. 

Odie Wankinobeh, 5 years old tri-colored queen resting in Nimmy's thigh. 

On Getting Fit

2.5 lbs

I admit it.

I’ve procrastinated in my aspiration of achieving wellness. If I remember it right, a month before leaving our apartment in Pasig, I make it a point to jog in the nearby mall’s massive parking space almost e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y. My goal was to compensate on my hobby of stuffing my face with food. Because that time, living with your partner is to be surrounded by food and other gastronomic pleasures. Blame it on appetite and Nimmy’s generous dad because every week, we don’t spend too much for food anymore, because our ref is a refuge for plethora of carbs and sweets and other dishes which propels you to eat and eat some more.

Now I’m back to my parent’s house, I get to experience a whole lot of difference from my usual lifestyle. I have more reasons to get fit. 

As I zero-in the grounds to have a healthy life back, I thought that I just turned 31 and my body requires more nutrients and vitamins to be able to sustain vitality and strength. 

What’s more important is my aspiration to live longer so I can achieve whatever it is that I am dreaming of. Wellness is of paramount nowadays, because of the stress each person can get because of work and the unhealthy habit of the populace.

So only last week, before the long-weekend, I committed myself to exercise, healthy diet and meditation. Just today, I’m feeling the early benefits of it.

Caloocan-Bulacan boundary, my new running road

It’s true that when you exercise, you feel happy. It’s true that despite the feeling of soreness in your thighs, biceps and back, you feel that there are changes happening in your body.  You can’t help but anticipate for more positive changes. Only recently, I found myself addicted to coffee because when I halted the habit just even for a day, I get headaches. Meditation cures just that. Deep breathes, finding my center and ability to control thoughts are proven powerful cures for my anxieties. Honestly, I can say that I can think more clearly now compared to few months back. I can now rekindle my being and I’m happy to say that it has greatly benefited not only me but the people surrounding me.

To affirm my goal of wellness, I am committing myself to the following; 

• Balanced diet
• Running
• Light weights
• Meditation
• Prayer
• Love

Approximately 3 kilometers from turf, middle of the road, alone and doing brisk-walk

Symptoms Part 2

If you are wondering about part 1, please read prior post to this.

In my previous career, I’ve been through a lot of interviews. I’ve been interviewed and I interviewed people too. It’s one tough activity. It’s a test of all sorts for the following; patience, intelligence, communication skills and ultimately honesty. It’s a test to validate things about you, your experience, your guts and your talents. It’s a way to know if you are speaking to a person of credibility and integrity. Those are big words that require big discernment done through a person’s choice of words and his ability to convey lucid and valid thoughts. It can be subjective based on the interviewer’s preference, but that topic is a different story, altogether.

I enjoy reading interviews but more in seeing it done on TV. Ricky Lo’s Funfare is one great example. I love Boy Abunda’s Bottomline too.

In movies, I love interview scenes with a psychiatrist. Have you seen the movie, The Fourth Kind? I wonder how it is being interviewed with a psychiatrist. Sometimes I imagine myself being subjected to hypnosis.

For now, I’d just like to interview myself. Just so you know, I do talk to myself sometimes. You see lately I’ve been into profound thinking, contemplation and the likes. I meditate before going to sleep, all in the hopes to find myself and get to the bottom of my worries.  I’d like to learn more about me. So today, I’ll try to interview myself. Emel, (my childhood nickname) will interview Leo, yours truly.

Emel: Hey, great to see you Leo. How are you feeling today?

Leo: I’m ok. Today has been a weird day. I’ve been to several places without taking a bath. I was tweeting with some friends and I was told that it isn’t obvious that I didn’t take a bath. When I was a kid, I was lazy to take a bath. When I turned 7 and entered first grade, hygiene became important. When I started working, it still was important. That was the past. Today is the present. So I almost did not take a bath today.

Emel: Wow, so what triggered you now to take a bath?

Leo: I don’t know. But I think it’s the pattern in life you become accustomed to. The day wasn’t complete without shampooing my hair, lathering soap suds in my skin and rinsing off with cold water.

Emel: I read your past posts and I find you writing serious stuff about government and workplace. Why?

Leo: It was random. I never planned it. I just thought of writing something relevant to the news I’m seeing and I got inspired from an office mate.

Emel: I see. What have you been seeing in the news?

Leo: Rampant corruption, poor urban management resulting to floods, crime and KC Concepcion’s get-away to France.

Emel: It appears that you’ve been seeing a lot of negative news nowadays. Has this affected you, your relationship and your family?

Leo: Hmmm, I don’t think so. News has always been negative. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be reported. Any news that are positive in nature has its own natural way of emitting negative waves. Going back to your question, it so well affected some of my goals.

Emel: Like?

Leo: Well, one, I thought of the news as something that strengthen my aspirations for a better life. It can be here in the Philippines or somewhere else. It’s an inspiration to better myself.

Emel: Hmmm, I heard you have plans of migrating somewhere?

Leo: It is still a plan. All I know is that I want better life, have my own family, get married and raise my kids to a peace-loving and progressive society.

Emel: That sounds cool. So how are things going with you and Nimmy?

Leo: Nimmy has been my anchor. I couldn’t imagine myself going through these struggles in life without him. He inspires and loves me so much. We see each other every Saturday. We go malling, badminton and sometimes have coffee together. It’s great being with him. I love our conversations and the way we plan our lives together. Sometimes we argue, however it rarely happens like 1 in 3745 interactions. Our relationship has been known to many, but the thing is, we get to have most of the things for ourselves. We have so many cherished moments together, but I’d rather not say it all.

Emel: Ok, I understand. How true that you are missing living-in with Nimmy?

Leo: Yes, a lot. I most of the time talk about this with Nimmy. I always catch myself thinking about our previous set-up. It was the best time of my life so far.

Emel: Do you guys have future plans of sharing under one roof again?

Leo: Yes, we have plans. It can happen soon.

Emel: So how are you and your job hunting? How’s the business going?

Leo: There was a point last June that I got so depressed and deactivated almost all of my social networking sites for not having a job. It was not the best thing to do, and it was coward. Once, I felt that applying for a job and failing was becoming a cycle. It was depressing, Emel. I felt worthless really. On the sidelines, I tend to have more time to study business concepts. Initially, I felt it was joke to manage my father’s agricultural land. Agri-business is not my cup of tea. Seeing my small wins, I feel more that I was dodging a bullet, not only for myself but also for my family. I still don’t want to settle. I still would want not only to see the business picking-up, but also to fulfill my desire to grow professionally. After all, it would not hurt to earn from business and at the same time from employment. It’s like having two jobs. How cool is that?

Emel: That’s sad to hear but I’m glad that you get to do something while waiting. Are you ok?

Leo: I think I am. I chose not to dwell much on it. I said it too much to myself, but I mean it now. I’m keeping my faith.

Emel: How does this experience change you?

Leo: It made me talk to God more than ever. I become more prayerful. I become more hopeful for a better life. Prayer keeps me sane. It helps me create good decisions and it helps me accept things coming my way. I become more positive in dealing with life.

Emel: Was there a time you felt God is not answering you?

Leo: I still worry sometimes. I’m still anxious about what will happen to my future. I don’t know what will happen next, and I feel that my current situation is not helping me. There were moments I feel helpless. So to answer your question, I say yes. But I believe that God’s delayed answer is not God’s denial. Just because it’s not happening, it’s not going to happen. I feel that God will give to people what they ask for, but in His own time. If it is taking longer, then He is creating the perfect situation.

Emel:  Wow, you’ve really said it right. Indeed, with God, nothing is impossible.

Leo: That’s true. You don’t need to worry. Strong faith really matters on these hard and trying times.

Emel: Your birthday will be this coming Thursday, the 20^th. What is your birthday wish?

Leo: Health for me and Nimmy.

Emel: You are turning 31. Do you believe you have matured enough for your age?

Leo: I don’t think there’s a measure of maturity for any age. I just know that whatever you do, as long as you’re not encroaching on anybody’s right, you’re good. To add, God doesn’t judge us based on age.

Emel: Haha. I couldn’t agree more. So how do you feel now?

Leo: I realized after doing this makes me feel stupid talking to myself. But I enjoyed it, really. Thank you.

Emel: You’re always welcome.  Should you wish to talk to someone, you know where to see me.

Leo: Nah, I think I’m good. 

Emel: Any final message? 

Leo: To myself, you're one hell of a guy. You're handsome and kind. Keep being crazy, but do not cross the abnormal kind of way. Enjoy what you are doing best and the rest will follow. God loves you.