Passing

In a sudden burst of emotion, all I can say to him was, “Ayoko na.”

Two months have passed and here I am going strong and seemingly have my life figured all up. The decision to call it off steamed from the fact that the relationship no longer serves me. The pang of emotion from two taciturn soul just couldn’t help bridge whatever chaotic situation it resulted. At last I’m free. I’m free to do whatever I want. Afterall, that’s my request. I have to be alone so I can better off myself.

Fast forward two months. I saw how my life unfold from just pursuing my interests without the guilt of having someone feel bad if I go home late. This ardent feeling of independence was addicting and there’s no stopping me at this point.

Until I met someone.

He’s red flag all over. Not the type of person you would like to have serious relationship with.

I got handful of reasons not to pursue this damn feeling. And I’m so proud in saying that I did a good job of not falling to the trap.

Trap. He’s been sending a lot of mixed signals and if I’m that stupid, I could have reacted with confidence and strong assumption that he’s really into me. F*ck.

Lucky me, I don’t have time to process this with utmost urgency and ask him if he feels the same way – or if he has this inkling to pursue me, or whatever. Maybe he felt my indifference, maybe not. You know what, I just don't care anymore. 

I’m done.

Too old for this sh*t to consume my time. Time that I could have used to make myself productive. 

It'll Get Better

Have you ever faced a problem alone? Like no one can ever help you but yourself? How does it feel? How did it impact your life, your important relationships and self-value? Have you realized the value of your circle? Did you reach out for help?

I’m not sure with you. But these questions, are actually the questions that I’ve asked myself, as I try to figure out solving my recent crisis in life. These are the questions that I’ve thrown myself almost every day. These are the same questions that hurt me, but made me realize stuff.

Weeks after I moved out from home (parent’s house), my issues in finances came rushing in my doorsteps. I become broke for months. I have to pay rent, budget my income and maintain my lifestyle. It was aggravated when I started working in the day shift. You see, working in a BPO industry is fabulous if you work in the evening since you are secured of night differential. But when I started supporting Asia Pacific countries like Hong Kong, Singapore, India, Australia and New Zealand, it removed my night differential which was significant in my pay with the huge tax I pay every month.

My source of income got impacted, my savings went to zero.  This change got me caught in a very tight dilemma.

Sister moved to New Zealand last September which means, I don’t have anyone close to me to ask for help. Things moved on and here comes another problem. I have to renew my car’s insurance and have my quarterly car maintenance. I also ran into a small accident where I have to claim weeks before my insurance gets expired. Unfortunately after it get fixed, my insurance expired and I have to put my car on the garage for more than a week. That means, I have to commute. To be honest, it was a humbling experience. I get to ride the jeep again and there are days I rode an ordinary bus.

I tried to patch things up by applying a short-term loan and credit cards. Everyone denied me. Not a single bank allowed me for a loan. There were insanely and ridiculous reasons why. One, my employer replied to banks saying I was a resigned employee since August. Another is my employer’s employee verification officer can’t be reached. To be perfectly honest, I felt those months were really ugly months of my life. I felt I was inviting negative vibes. There were days I think it was more than that. I felt I was cursed. A grave loser. 

I cried and reached out for help. But no one can. I think it was the universe telling me, “You gotta endure this alone my friend.”

As I cogitate my previous month’s existence. I asked those questions but ultimately, I asked myself, “why?” Why do I have to go through this?

With this I realized the meaning of friendship. I realized the importance of family. I realized how Archie loves me, that despite his own problems, he understood and helped me pay one month of my rent. That despite the distance, he braved a storm just to see and spend a day with me. I love you hon! 

Today, I’m not completely free of the struggles, but I’m getting there. I just need to settle few things and I'm off to a better life. See you soon New Zealand! I promised myself that I should no longer be in this predicament. I need to do this for myself and the people that believes in me.  I’m a bit wiser and stronger now but above all…

I could have not survive this ordeal without those few people who eased me out in the process. My gratitude remains in you all.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you!

Sleepless

How on earth I allowed this to happen?

When all the while, I thought I was strong and sturdy, a certain move leads me to another broken hearted episode. When I controlled every sense of my feelings and posed a dominant facade, I come crumbling down to pieces.  On a Sunday noon, when all are in the confines of home, relaxing and enjoying the day, here I am, in tears as I type this blog entry.

Why am I attracted to someone and when I get to know him more, I fell? Then for some reasons, I put myself into a hurting situation when all the while, I should have known better?

I should know better.

But I chose to be the loving guy that despite knowing his reputation, I am here to love and accept. Albeit I am in dark knowing how I stand in his life, I was willing to take that risk to embrace all of him. Despite the fact, that all I get, is that this has never been a big deal for him. 

How cheap can I get that I endure these miserable and faltering emotions? This is unbecoming of a dignified person that I know of. I anticipate frustrations from my life mentors. How can I be proud of this failure?

It’s a sad state of affairs. And there’s only one to be blamed.

Me.

I know I can pick-up from this mess. I’ve come to terms that I can move on in a snap.

But this one is complex. For when I started to believe again in love, this blow just made me realize that it’s just over. I am doomed and will never find him ever.

How can I bring back that spark of hope?

I think a sound sleep can give me back that mental shape. I think a long and profound sleep can mend that hurt.

Or I can just be sleepless. Until I learn how to be tough again. 

Single Musings

I was on my way to the parking area when I realized that it has been a week from the time I celebrated my anniversary of being single. How can I forget, February 17? How can I forget the poignant moment of my life when everything got settled into parting ways? But prior to that, I was so stressed with work that there was really a hint of me being absent for at least a day.  So I am absent today. Right now, as I type the remaining body of this blog, I’m quite feverish.  However, this shouldn’t stop me from writing what I feel I need to write. It’s long overdue and I’m not giving myself a favor if I miss this chance, this moment.

So going back to my story… as I’m turning on Bamba’s engine, I kinda’ contemplated the year that was. I think one important facet of that year was the moment I had with the family. Since they are a source of strength and inspiration, I often draw the passion from them. I feel that for every step I do, every achievement I have, I bring forth pride in them. More paramount I guess is the fact that they’ve been supportive of me in every endeavor I have. October was when I outed myself to my sister, and never did I feel indifference.  In fact, I never have to out myself to my parents, because sister already confirmed that they know what I’ve gone through with ex. There’s just immense joy in that, and I draw from that feeling the willingness to move on with my life.

Then we have friends. How can I survive if not for friends? The words of encouragement, subtle schooling and bullying did help in some ways. It’s not just the happy moments you spent together as a group, but it’s more of the support you get from this people that matters. That whatever you are going through, they rarely judge you. It’s a revelation to have meet and be close to some people I never thought I will be very close with. You have Pareng L who was ex’s previous best friend. I’m not sure what happened but with some stroke of the universe, we clicked on a lot of things and it turns out that we’re like twins. Though I won’t compete on who-has-the-longest-hair contest, he has been like a repository of my dark secrets. Feels like he knows everything about me… well, lately.  Honestly, Barakos (someone coined this name to my blogger’s group), has been instrumental to my “moving-on” chapter. The fact that I can tell everything to them, means a lot. I love them. 

This was also the time I rekindled my friendship to some of my long-lost friends. Who would have thought I can gain strength from my high school friends. They’ve been very supportive as well. But more importantly, they have imparted some sort of wisdom. They have their own families but I still feel that they look after me at some point.

Then you have a best friend in the office. You know what they say that you don’t mix friendship and business together? Apparently, it’s not applicable to my co-manager friend. We have our ups and downs and lunch-date misses, but then again, we look after each other’s welfare in the office. We have nurtured a connection. We’re like shock-absorbers for each other.

I feel that my foundation at this point is family and friends. And I personally feel that it’s the right route. That however cheesy as it may sound, it’s just the primordial thing at this point.

This was also a year of unending blessings from the universe. I’m really thankful for a lot of things that have happened after the break-up.

We’ll to say the least, I feel I’m blessed to have meet several guys in my attempt to find the perfect guy. A lot of school of thoughts lingers to me in this aspect. For one, I’ve learned that it’s better to work on yourself first while you are single so that the right person will come along. I agree. Been there done that. Am I still a work in progress? I think so. Do I have the right people to give me feedback and advice? I think so too. It’s great to change for the better, I embrace this dogma, and I hope people close to me will not hesitate to provide honest feedback.

Be the person you want to meet. It’s like telling, attract someone with your own personality. Sometimes I feel it’s like a BS. But come to think of it, when you are in a relationship you want to be respected so you show the same respect. It’s easy to comprehend yet there were moments I was selfish. Like I want this, I want that… Those pesky standards I placed into guys, when all I know, those same standards can be the same standards I will be measured upon.  Funny truth.

This time around, I’m sure I’ve done my part as a single citizen of the world.

I’ve loved myself and brought back self-worth. Confidence is something that can’t be questioned. I can be upfront when situation arises. I can be observant when I need to decipher and sort things out. I can be wherever I want to be. It’s this feeling of control to my destiny that brings me the most “high.” This concludes the fact that I’ve experienced happiness in both sides – being single and being in a relationship.  

Whatever the case maybe, I think my own happiness is non-negotiable.

So now, I’m not sure what’s in store for me in the future. If it entails another heart break, so be it. If I was able to bear it at some point, I don’t think it will be harder the next time around. If it entails a blissful success, I’ll be very thankful in every second of my life. I think it takes a lot of maturity to accept whatever risk we have to take. It takes maturity to know when to stop and know the consequences. I’m on that stage right now.

A plethora of things and tasks are still in the pipeline. As long as there is something to do and to look forward to, I’m ok.

I’m ok.

So The Love Story Ends

It’s about time that I tell the story behind the heartrending tweets. It’s almost four weeks, and today should have been another month added to six years. Few more, we could have turned seven. But all stories, even the good ones, must come to an end.

Nimmy and I broke up.

He threw the towel and all I can do is yield.  No words can describe the feeling during that day, when all I thought, this can never happen.  As I try to look back and reflect on my past actions, I’m torn between thinking I was never enough or we are never in unison in our last months as partners. I was like playing the wrong tune and was playing the music out in the orchestra. I’m left out, or I left him out. We’re doing it differently, when it shouldn't be.

The sad part I guess is that I kept closed ears, and blocked the senses of the heart.  When all is falling apart, I was blinded in my optimistic view about relationship and our future. When perhaps he was crying in pain, I was there fighting my own battle in life. When perhaps I was alone and tired, he was there, he's turn to fight his own battle. That shouldn't be the case when for all the experiences I have, I should have seen it coming, and could have done something. I may have the instinct on things, but I decided to ignore and go with the flow. For I’m faced with the idea and vision of love and eternal. My vision was joy, but together, it was not.

Perhaps people reading this and have experienced broken-hearted, may relate to the pain I’m going through. It pains me too, that he’s going through the same.  But I know he is that strong because he was able to call it out on me. It was not an easy task, however I know that he’s happy in his decision. I believe it was the best for us, and I support him all throughout.

And life has to move on…

I have a career to take care of, plans to carry out, and my family who’s been very supportive in all my endeavors. Despite the many failed relationships they have witnessed, they are still there to support. I guess it was just for me to re-learn the values of love in the family. It’s a learning process, and I know that life will eventually unfold to me on greater heights. This situation also made me realize who true friends are.  To those, thanks for listening to me. The wisdom never failed me, that in times of trouble and grief, only few friends will be there to console. I’m thankful for those who understood us, and for those people who never left him. I still care for him, for I know I can survive alone.

I remember the things I learned in The Alchemist. That this relationship may have been a Personal Legend that I have achieved, one should not be discouraged to find another Personal Legend. The heart should move on, the same way that we want to discover ourselves.

As for Nimmy, I know he’s still young and I know he’ll go places. He’s smart, and he’s destined to be whatever he wants to be. I’m proud of him and I’m forever thankful for his kindness and love.

There are so many things going on in my mind, and I hope thoughts will settle soon in the form of plans and actions. I’m positive things will work out just fine. It better be.

As I try to find myself, I hope that the Universe trust me to love again soon.

Stupidity Episode 1

Picture taken from:  http://www.3rdeyeopen.org

A long time ago, there lies a kingdom from a far away land. The kingdom has a Handsome King and a Beautiful Queen.  On the contrary to the foregoing, their child was an ugly, horrible, dark Prince. So ugly was the face that no one dares to look at. His face was hideous that anyone who lay their eyes on his face will die of a heart-attack.

One day, the ugly prince went to the woods to play. He got lost from the long and winding track. Tracing his route, he saw a cabin and knocked.

“Hello, anybody home? I’m lost. I need to get back to Kingdom before 

supper.”

An old lady opened the almost dilapidated door and was shocked on the sight of the prince.

“Go away ugly Prince! I can’t help you. I’m old and…”

Before she can finish her sentence, the old lady died of heart-attack.

The sad ugly Prince got bewildered. He went back to the road and on his way, he saw a horse carriage. The old man halted the horses and asked the Prince.

“Are you lost my child? Where are you headed?”

“I need to get back to the Kingdom before supper, I’m lost and I can’t find my way back.”

Before the old man can respond, he died.

The ugly Prince head on to the gravel road and saw a fruit stand. He stopped by and asked the store owner.

“Madam, I’m lost and hungry. How much is an apple?”

The store owner looked at the pale and ugly Prince. To her shock, she died.

The ugly Prince took a big watermelon and headed back to the road. On his way, he saw an old man with a dog. The ugly Prince know that in order for the man not to be killed, he need to cover his face and what better way to do just that is by using the watermelon he stole.

He covered his face and asked the old man. “Sir, I need help to find my way back to the Kingdom. I’ve been walking for hours, and not a single human being survived seeing my face.”

“I’m on my way to the Kingdom to pay taxes. You can walk with me, but you have to give me your watermelon.”

“NO! You can’t have the watermelon. The moment I give this to you, you will die.”

Startled by the ugly Prince’s abrupt retort, the old man pulled his dog’s harness and walked away.

The ugly Prince followed the old man with the dog, still carrying the watermelon both with his hands, up on his face.

“You can’t trick me old man. I can still follow you on your way to the Kingdom.  You can die after tagging me unknowingly from a distance.”

The old man found out that the ugly Prince is following them. He purposely changed his route. His dog suddenly became uneasy. He pulled his dog’s harness and the ugly Prince heard the dog’s restrained sound. The ugly Prince can’t see the whole ordeal because of the watermelon blocking almost half of his vision of the road.

Towards the ugly Prince’s last step, the ugly Prince fell towards a big cliff. His head banged on a sharp stone crushing his skull and his left eye popping out. The watermelon swung by his chest and got crushed on his pelvic.

The dog’s tail went side to side and pulled his master towards the road to the Kingdom to pay taxes.

The END.

Dark

It is known truth that both of us has nurtured strong faith in Him. We believe in His omnipotence and His way of delivering His precious gifts and blessings to us. We do away with the thought that despite our kind of relationship, He still loves us and guides us the same way He does with straight couples. He's kind to each and everyone and that's how He will be forever. 

True enough, I've gathered from Mr. Schuller that there are stages in Faith. We come across several challenges that makes us question Him. We doubted His presence. I personally feel He has forgotten me. In this dark moment of my life, I requested for Him to feed my hope. Nimmy prayed for me that I may trounce this depression and bring me to a place where I can make use of my talent. Nimmy told me, "Mahal, we can't be busy together. God said, if that happens, it's going to be difficult for us." He's right. I suddenly felt guilt for thinking that way. I can still remember how Nimmy narrated how God answered him. From then on, we never showed any signs of reluctance not to believe. 

But I'm just human. 

As I write this entry, I am then again feeling the need to be alone, to ostracize myself, rethink and find myself. It's becoming a cycle, it's not that easy, mind you. I despise it. 

No self-help book can rally round yours truly. I'm on the verge of not even trusting myself and my friends. I'm plain weird. 

Just few hours ago, I received a text informing me that my application got pended. Another rejection blown to my face. It's been a year of recollecting myself, trying to think of what else to do and aspire for. Seeing a lot of closed doors has becoming a hobby, I needed to get out. 

I'm in dark. 

Tenacity and Predilection

***UPDATE: Somebody stole my password in blogger and used my identity to write this article. I'm really not happy with what have happened. Currently an investigation is taking place. IP addresses that I have generated from a website which tracked down the access points where my blog  has been utilized are currently being validated to spot the area and time of access. With recent technology, I trust that this can be resolved at the soonest possible time. 

To the person who wrote this, 

Despite the abhorrence I feel from the fact of you stealing my password, I am still giving  respect for your freedom of expression. You deserve it. 

I know you are going through a lot. Let me give you my sincerest hug. Release your anxiety to the universe and rekindle your spirit. You are strong. Remember that. 

Leo

___________________________________

Kinati ako bigla magsulat ng gaguhan lang. Yung tipong kung ano lang maisip. Kasi kanina, napagtanto ko na ang buhay, parang pandesal lang. Simple, payak at abot kaya. Wala naman siya kinalaman sa unang dalawang pangungusap ko. Naisip ko lang yung kasabihan na yun, kasi pandesal ang almusal ko kaninang umaga. Hindi naman kasi bagay kainin ung pandesal sa tanghalian. Kasi kapag ginawa ko yun, malilito ako sa oras. Ayaw ko malito. Kasi ang pandesal ang aking pinaghuhugutan ng inspirasyon. Gusto ko tahakin ang buhay na simple, payak at abot kaya. Kung malilito ako, hindi ako magiging pandesal. Baka mamon ang kabagsakan ko. 

***

Sa panahon ngayon, ang dami na nagkalat na basura. Minsan, hindi mo na matutukoy ang basura sa mga gamit na maayos at napapapakinabangan pa. Magugulat ka pa nga, kasi may katabi ka sa dyip, na amoy basura at mukhang basura. Mapapatanong ka sa sarili mo, hindi ba uso ang "garbage segragation" sa bahay nila? Bakit siya magulo? Siguro hindi siya nakapag-almusal ng pandesal. 

***

Eto, gaguhan na talaga. Sino sa inyo ang nakapanood na ng Ms. Gay? Ako hindi ko pa naranasan makapanood ng ganyan sa totoong buhay. Ano nga naman ang silbi ng Youtube kung hindi ako makakapanood ng paligsahan ng mga kabaro ko. Masaya silang panoorin. Napapaisip tuloy ako, "Aanhin mo ang ganda, kung ang tingin sa iyo ay kwela."

***

Ganito pala magsulat ng Tagalog sa blogger. Madugo. Ang daming pulang linya sa bawat salitang tinitipa. 'Di ba ang sabi sila ang kulay pula ay nagdadala ng swerte? Ito rin daw ang kulay na sumisimbolo sa pag-ibig. Pula. Ang kulay ng dugo, mansanas, rosas, mga labi, mga mata ng sabog, at latay. Ang pula rin ay simbolo ng naglalagablab na apoy. Pero teka, bakit seryoso na ito? Akala ko ba ay gaguhan lang? 

***

Nanonood ba kayo ng balita? Sakit sa ulo marinig ang paulit ulit na problema ng mga Pilipino. Baha, kriminalidad, pangungurakot, tsismisan at kung ano ano pang mga suliranin ng mga tao. Masakit sa ulo kung iisipin mo. Ngunit, napakadali magbigay ng suhestiyon o pawang solusyon sa mga isyu. Marahil, naisip na rin nila ang naiisip mo, pero saan nagkulang? May pagkilos ka bang nabanaag sa mga plano at plataporma ng mga trapong pulitiko? Marahil wala. Kaya para sa mga kababayan ko, J.A.P.A.N. Just Always Pray at Night. 

***

Katamaran at pagkabagot. Isa sa mga suliranin... Hindi ko tatapusin ang talatang ito. Ako ang tamad at bagot. 

***

Kanina, sinubukan ko ulit sumakay ng jeep. Pinilit ko iaabot ang bayad ng katabi ko, pero parang walang nakita o narinig ang taong nakaupo malapit sa nagmamaneho. Naisip ko, ayaw niya madumihan ang kanyang kamay. O kaya, bingi siya. O kaya, maarte siya at ayaw niyang kumilos at tulungan ang nakikisuyo. Hindi ko gusto ang ganitong asal. Para itong pagsasabing, "mas nakaka-angat ako sa iyo." Kung ganito ang iyong pagiisip, ikaw nga ay aangat na parang kaluluwa balang araw. Naisip mo ba na sa kultura natin, maagap ang mga nasa tabi ng driver? Sila ang nagaabot. Kung hindi mo gusto ang kulturang ito, wala kang magagawa kung ikaw ay sasakay sa jeep. Iabot mo ang pamasahe, huwag kang umarte. Kaltukin ko kaya ang ribs mo. 

***

Hindi ko na paborito si Piolo. Tingin ko, walang tatagal na relasyon sa kanya. Sa nakikita ko sa kaniyang mga proyekto, siya ang taong may mataas na level ng focus sa trabaho, hindi niya kinakailangan ng babae sa kanyang tinatahak na landas. Siya marahil ang typical na lalake na hindi sumeseryoso sa relasyon. Kung sabihin man niya na seryoso siya, marahil ito ay noong mga unang buwan niya sa pakikipagrelasyon. Ngunit gaya ng pagkain ng maraming  baboy sa handaan, nauumay siya kaagad. Malamang, may iba silang rason kung bakit sila hindi nagkakaintindihan. Pero napansin ko, nasasabik ako makita ang pagbangon ni KC. Sana  huwag na siya mag-artista. Tahakin niya sana ang pagiging opisyal ng UN, o ang pagiging Presidente ng isang malaking kumpanya o maging news anchor. Matalino siya, at nag-aral sa France. Gamitin niya ang yaman niya hindi sa pagbibigay sa charity, kung hindi sa pagbibigay ng trabaho at kalinangan.  Huwag na siya sumabak sa pulitika. Tama na si Aiko Melendez.

***

Ito na ata ang pinakamahabang nasulat ko na Tagalog sa blog. Hindi ako sanay. Paumanhin sa mga mali-mali ko. Magagalit marahil ang propesor ko sa Panitikang Panlipunan. Pasensiya na sa mga gagu-gago kong kuro-kuro. 

***

Nakuha ko sa isang kaibigan - SUGPO ka kung panget ka pero ang iyong katawan naman ay maalindog. LOLLIPOP ka naman kung gwapo/maganda ka, pero ang katawan mo naman ay kahulma ng drum o kaya naman ay kinulang ka sa pagkain ng masusustansiyang gulay. Gayahin mo na lang ang BUKO. Panget na mukha, panget na katawan, pero - malinis naman ang kalooban. 

***

Wala na ako maisip. Naubos na ang Tagalog ko. 

***

Of coursed, I'm not end my article if I've non-English in here today. Of coursed, I'm blog in English ever since before it was create. I story my friends, Michael, I remember he rights in the blackboard one times. He saiding, "There are many puppies in the classroom." It was give me a sentence by the teacher. I was laugh really. Oh c'mon? Michael? Puppies are you sure? I'm want to see if that was true. But he was joke only. Before many years, I saw him again and again. I telled him, Michael, you do not forget the puppies? Write? I get shocking. He repeats what he rights there and there. Michael is slowly learners. I telled myself, I'm win the battle of the brains. I English more in the writing and the reading too. I practicing everyday. Monday, Tuesday until there is day. Until night time. Then I waken up, well, well, well,  it was good morning again. The end. 
______________________________
Special Note as of 2:20pm 10/15: After the expected confusion to my dear readers expressed through some comments, I'd like to apologize and reveal to you all, that the person responsible for this writing, is my ALTER EGO. This is a rare case of blogger multiple personality syndrome. Don't you worry, I'm on a rehab, and taking medicines which I can't even pronounce. Just kidding. :)

The Love for Food

Terriyaki Boy

Cutie Nimmy

Cutie Me, Krispy Kreme

Yellow Cab's Dear Darla

Slammers

Going out with Nimmy means few of these things: eating, badminton, swimming, driving, walking. Read that I stated eating first. Because for us, our bonding time consists mainly of satisfying our taste buds (through food of course, you naughty mind) . Saying that eating as our favorite activity together is an understatement. We love food, and food loves us. 

With Nimmy's busy schedule these past few days, we only get to see each other every week. SM Fairview is just a 10 minute drive from home so that seems to be our favorite spot to meet. By the way, we first met in this mall, and our first date was in Kenny Rogers. Again to prove a point that our relationship is founded by God, and food. 

Honestly, I miss my Nimmychan. 

This week has been very busy for him as he prepares for his final assessments. He's on a training towards becoming a very important employee. He has oral examinations and written tests to pass but I'm so confident that he can pull it through. When he calls to tell me what happened during the day, I feel that everything's just falling into place for him. His career is so promising and I just can't help myself but be proud of what he's capable of achieving. I'm a witness of how he matured professionally from being that timid employee to becoming a now more confident individual. Confident but very humble. 

Of all the strengths Nimmychan have, I adore his humility. He achieves a lot, but he still maintains an aura of a child. I feel his enthusiasm and apprehensions on things he feels he don't deserve. At some point, we seem to balance things out. I'm the risk-taker, he's the pragmatic. He most of the time wins though, and I appreciate him being that kid. I learn a lot, he has no idea. 

My Nimmychan is really the coolest. I'm so happy to have him. 

Now where do you think we'll eat next time? 

I'm excited. :)

Fighting Temptations

"Every conquering temptation represents a new fund of moral energy. Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before." 

- William Butler Yeats

Quit and You Lose

Oh well, as the cliche goes, "When it rains, it pours..." True to its meaning, yesterday was another storm for yours truly. The light at the end of the tunnel was indeed elusive. I'm lost, and I can't seem to find my way back. Seeing Nimmy over a cup of ice cream was all that I was hoping for since Monday. I saw Nimmy yesterday, ordered ice cream generously topped with blueberry, kiwi and cherries. What I thought to cure my blues (the ice cream) was ineffective. I almost cried. 

During these low-moments in my life, I can't help but write to release these emotions. My friends have their own struggles in life, and I don't want to share into their own concerns. Pardon me if I write a lot of  melodramatic entries. Still, thanks to those who put encouraging comments. It feels like someone's listening. Whatever the case may be, I still appreciate the fact that I can write and release. 

This morning, I bumped into one of the most powerful poem I read in my entire life. Thoughts like these keeps me going. Let me share this to all of you: 

Don't Quit

by: Edgar Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you are trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high, 

And you want to smile but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing, you down a bit,

Rest, if you must - but don't you quit! 

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometime learns, 

And many a failure turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out, 

Don't give up, though the pace seems slow - 

You might succeed with another blow...

Success is failure turned inside out - 

the silver tint of the clouds of doubt - 

And you can never tell how close you are, 

It may be near when it seems afar; 

So stick to the fight when are hardest hit - 

It's when things get worse that you mustn't quit! 

Faith on Rainy Days

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. -Hebrews 11:1

It's been raining for days. The wet and the cold weather is really a conducive time to reflect on things.  It's a struggle by yours truly to think on happy thoughts nowadays. Reading has been a source of refuge - but only to some extent. How can I cure my spirit? How can I completely change my plight? How will I know thy true self? 

We have our own struggles in life. It can't be of huge difference from others. We all get to be sad, depressed and anxious about our problems. What makes us unique is on the extent and the capacity of our spirit to endure. How you handle them effectively is your choice. How you solve life crisis depends on your initiatives. But above all, faith should be the main ingredient of it all. 

I can only hope that some day, I can learn from this experience. That someday too, I can share to others what I've done differently to have that 180 degrees transition. That someday, I can inspire someone through God's given breakthrough. That someday, I've cured my spirit, knew myself more and changed for the better.  

My faith is telling me it's not going to be that long and that on these rainy days the sun will shine through my life, like it have never shine before.