Tuesday, November 8, 2011


It is known truth that both of us has nurtured strong faith in Him. We believe in His omnipotence and His way of delivering His precious gifts and blessings to us. We do away with the thought that despite our kind of relationship, He still loves us and guides us the same way He does with straight couples. He's kind to each and everyone and that's how He will be forever. 

True enough, I've gathered from Mr. Schuller that there are stages in Faith. We come across several challenges that makes us question Him. We doubted His presence. I personally feel He has forgotten me. In this dark moment of my life, I requested for Him to feed my hope. Nimmy prayed for me that I may trounce this depression and bring me to a place where I can make use of my talent. Nimmy told me, "Mahal, we can't be busy together. God said, if that happens, it's going to be difficult for us." He's right. I suddenly felt guilt for thinking that way. I can still remember how Nimmy narrated how God answered him. From then on, we never showed any signs of reluctance not to believe. 

But I'm just human. 

As I write this entry, I am then again feeling the need to be alone, to ostracize myself, rethink and find myself. It's becoming a cycle, it's not that easy, mind you. I despise it. 

No self-help book can rally round yours truly. I'm on the verge of not even trusting myself and my friends. I'm plain weird. 

Just few hours ago, I received a text informing me that my application got pended. Another rejection blown to my face. It's been a year of recollecting myself, trying to think of what else to do and aspire for. Seeing a lot of closed doors has becoming a hobby, I needed to get out. 

I'm in dark.