Monday, April 23, 2012

Broken White Shoes

One day I was commuting to the office wearing my white shoes. I need to catch my training class at a very early schedule, 5:30am to be exact. I was on a rush and by some foreboding stroke of the universe, my shoes’ sole flapped and exposed my black sports socks.  My instinct was to buy glue and I did. There’s no conspicuous hardware store in Eastwood, and my recourse was to bet my bills on a drug store, Mercury. I won against preconceived notion that Mercury only sells drugs (the legitimate ones of course), and off I go with a bottle of water and Bulldog epoxy. When I thought having glue was a quick fix, I was completely wrong. So as the story goes, after buying glue, I went straight to a comfort room in Cyber Mall, applied carelessly the glue on my shoe’s sole and off I go. No one told me that I need to wait for a few minutes to make the glue bond and fix it. So I walked towards the office, feeling my shoes to be unusually loose still, only to find out – that half of my foot is half-exposed to people in the office lounge. First few hours in training, I was still fixing my shoes, but all the time smiling at my Mentos experience. Was I embarrassed? Oh hell yes. But I felt that there’s something more in that experience. I felt I become a different person. 

I had a share of those embarrassing moments in the public place.  To name a few are getting bumped by a stranger or an electrical post while walking, tripped on a pothole, parking booboos and so many others that keeping a record requires a thick log book. 

You see, back then, when I was few years younger, I don’t get to let go of those experiences easily. I felt I was not normal. I felt weak. Same goes back to the time when I was still in school and when I was embarking on my early years as a young professional. I tend not to forgive myself on small mistakes. Blame it on my achiever attitude. I have a goal. I have plans. Gearing against it was not really an option. Situations that are not in my favor kill me. Those situations that irk me are things I thought that stands in my way. In other words, I tend to get easily frustrated in myself.  I’m a perfectionist, but my life is not a complete resemblance of what I aspire. But then again, I learned to let go. I’m not sure if it comes with age, but I’m sure it comes from experience. 

While working on that same day, with semi-bare naked feet, I realized that life is going to throw you different things, sometimes all at once. True that your character is being tested by the way you react to them. Was it my fault to experience those? Absolutely not. But I am to be blamed by how I react and shudder.  So I chose to react on that shoe-experience that it’s something not to be worried about and ruin the rest of my day. I thought of it as an opportunity to buy new shoes.  Smiling, I thought I’m lucky to understand that I can buy a pair the same day. I just have to wait for the mall to open. 

I may not be the right person to give advice in dealing with depression. I can’t pass as a life-coach.  But let me tell you something. You know I experienced being depressed for not being able to know what exactly I want in life.  For months, I was unemployed.  It was an episode in my life where I was torn discovering a new path in my career. I wanted to be on a different industry. But then again, being unemployed was half a choice, and the rest are taken to be a time I wanted to do something else.  Along the lines, I had terrible mistakes. Mistakes for taking for granted the time. Decisions, or the lack thereof is pricy, not all people realize that. I got depressed, and it was something I thought was a reaction for a life that took control of me, instead of me controlling it.

I am now on my second step of fulfilling my Personal Legend. 

This is the time where I am learning myself more. This is the time where I’m pretty sure as to where I’m going. There’s no holding back, and my intuition is saying I’m on the right track. Everything is falling into place and it’s all coming my way. There are still some roadblocks, but I feel it’s just placed there to give my plans a test. It’s there to make my life less boring and monotonous. I’m speaking not in an arrogant way, but it’s just that my heart is at peace to my own actions. Gone are the days of ambivalence and high-rise anxiety about life.  It started when I learned to know what makes me happy and go after it no matter what. 

So to whoever is reading this now, I know you have your own challenges. You have your own chasing of your personal legend. We know it’s not going to be easy. We know there will be challenges in life. We go through the same phases with work, family and love. Age is not a requirement. Finances are of no bearing. Relationships and network are baseless. It’s you, and only you who can fulfill your dreams. Chase it. Clamor.

Because the moment you don’t, broken shoes will keep you from walking. 
P.S. Our Nikki is back and is in full condition. I get to drive him again.