Omens are individual language in
which God talks to you. My omens are not your omens. They are this strange, but
very individual language that guides you toward your own destiny. They are not
logical. They talk to your heart directly. The only way you can learn any
language is by making mistakes. I made my mistakes, but then I started to
connect with the signs that guide me. The silent voice of God that leads me to
the places where I should be. – Paulo Coelho, author The Alchemist (an
interview by Laura Sheahen, for Beliefnet)
When 2011 spring boarded, I never
had any inkling as to what the future entails me. Few days before the New Year,
I was jobless. Like for most part of my
life, I gave everything to fate. I deeply surmise that whatever I’ve gone
through my career is an experience itself.
They are life lessons I can bring to any path I wish to take. I know through faith in Him, I can surpass any
obstacles. I can be whatever I want to be. I started to fuel my faith by
engaging myself to religious creeds and acts. 2011 then is a year to rekindle
my faith. It is a time to get serious with God, know Jesus and his miracles,
and learn how to be a faithful servant. When I felt I need to do something
more, I attended to St. Jude Thaddeus Novena every Thursday, prayed the rosary
everyday with lighted candles, visited several churches in the metro and read
the bible. I listened fervently to Bible readings and priest’s sermons. I read
a lot of religious books and if I felt it was not enough, I meditated in the
hopes I can hear God, and be able to listen to what He has to say to me.
In other words, my spiritual
consciousness got triggered. It was a year of self-reflection. I asked myself a
lot of questions. I started to listen to myself. I looked for answers in my everyday
existence. I observed a lot of people. I rekindled my relationship to friends,
opened up to them. I sought answers by listening to our priest, by
eavesdropping to my parent’s church conversations, by listening to music, by
reading gargantuan number of stuff, by watching movies and TVs, by staying at
home, and observing our family. Once, I tried reaching out to someone of a born
again faith. I ventilated my present tribulations, prayed until tears fell from
my eyes. I believed that if I keep my faith, and that I keep on having a
healthy relationship with God, everything will just be a breeze. It is on this
year, I learned that if I have God as a center of my life, my happiness is
infinite. I tried all avenues – including self-taught meditations and learned that
spirituality is not only embracing it through your own. Spirituality breeds in
relationship with people. I learned
meditation techniques including those of igniting chakras. It was still not enough and all happened in
one year.
2012 ushered in and just with a
snap, I halted my religious senses. I had STRONG patience, so I thought. Quickly the reality set
in. The irony though, is how slow it has taken me to realize that I’m going
nowhere. I suddenly felt the feeling of having a blindfold across a wall. I
started to walk, I tried to climb, to run and what I get are contusions from
trying to go through the partition. Believe me, it was just hard.
I started to study concepts.I need to shy away from what's depressing. I
don’t care how weird it is, but whatever catches my attention and curiosity, I
readily set myself into. I started to like something not ordinary. I wanted
something new. I wanted something unique. I can’t have a continuous routine. I
will just die liking the same things over and over again. I needed a hero to grab my neck and raise me
from suffocation.
It’s when the time I started to
learn and appreciate Celtic music. I
took the time to read and study stock markets. I did whatever is not ordinary to some. It’s also the time I started to question
things and despise every mystery of the world. I started to feel the need to find
answers to those questions I demand to know. I studied astronomy through documentaries. I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON
WITH ME.
The more I seek God, the more I
find myself alone and sad. I started to question the fundamentals of religion.
What has it brought into my life? I want to find the truth and through reading
history and learning from several people, I deduce things that lead me to
strong belief against my religion. Just like the twin towers of WTC, my faith
in religion came crashing down. I will
never see any organized religion the same way again.
I’m still in the process of fully accepting agnosticism in my life. Since first Sunday of 2012, I never
attended any mass. I don't like being associated with any religion. I can say I’m not
searching anymore. I felt inner peace. Surprisingly, my view
about my life changed tremendously.
Guilt was erased, and I feel free from the clutches of what people have
to say. It’s liberating. My belief now
stems from the fact that the Universe has its own course and that we are
affected by it. I’m not sure what to
label it, but for me, it was just fundamentally right to begin with that
thought, with that concept.
Do I still believe in God? I really don’t know. I
maybe a freethinker, but a-not-so intelligent type for that matter. I'm in the process of profound reading.
Just as I was contemplating the
Universe, I recently closed a Paolo Coelho book entitled The Alchemist. It was
the first time in my entire life to read a book with so much intensity. I felt
it was relevant to what I’m going through. It’s a shame to have read it just
now. Nonetheless, I felt overwhelmed at the
same time joyous that in my course of finding for a plausible answer in my
life’s intricacies, I found one.
Paolo Coehlo is my omen.
