Symptoms Part 2

If you are wondering about part 1, please read prior post to this.

In my previous career, I’ve been through a lot of interviews. I’ve been interviewed and I interviewed people too. It’s one tough activity. It’s a test of all sorts for the following; patience, intelligence, communication skills and ultimately honesty. It’s a test to validate things about you, your experience, your guts and your talents. It’s a way to know if you are speaking to a person of credibility and integrity. Those are big words that require big discernment done through a person’s choice of words and his ability to convey lucid and valid thoughts. It can be subjective based on the interviewer’s preference, but that topic is a different story, altogether.

I enjoy reading interviews but more in seeing it done on TV. Ricky Lo’s Funfare is one great example. I love Boy Abunda’s Bottomline too.

In movies, I love interview scenes with a psychiatrist. Have you seen the movie, The Fourth Kind? I wonder how it is being interviewed with a psychiatrist. Sometimes I imagine myself being subjected to hypnosis.

For now, I’d just like to interview myself. Just so you know, I do talk to myself sometimes. You see lately I’ve been into profound thinking, contemplation and the likes. I meditate before going to sleep, all in the hopes to find myself and get to the bottom of my worries.  I’d like to learn more about me. So today, I’ll try to interview myself. Emel, (my childhood nickname) will interview Leo, yours truly.

Emel: Hey, great to see you Leo. How are you feeling today?

Leo: I’m ok. Today has been a weird day. I’ve been to several places without taking a bath. I was tweeting with some friends and I was told that it isn’t obvious that I didn’t take a bath. When I was a kid, I was lazy to take a bath. When I turned 7 and entered first grade, hygiene became important. When I started working, it still was important. That was the past. Today is the present. So I almost did not take a bath today.

Emel: Wow, so what triggered you now to take a bath?

Leo: I don’t know. But I think it’s the pattern in life you become accustomed to. The day wasn’t complete without shampooing my hair, lathering soap suds in my skin and rinsing off with cold water.

Emel: I read your past posts and I find you writing serious stuff about government and workplace. Why?

Leo: It was random. I never planned it. I just thought of writing something relevant to the news I’m seeing and I got inspired from an office mate.

Emel: I see. What have you been seeing in the news?

Leo: Rampant corruption, poor urban management resulting to floods, crime and KC Concepcion’s get-away to France.

Emel: It appears that you’ve been seeing a lot of negative news nowadays. Has this affected you, your relationship and your family?

Leo: Hmmm, I don’t think so. News has always been negative. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be reported. Any news that are positive in nature has its own natural way of emitting negative waves. Going back to your question, it so well affected some of my goals.

Emel: Like?

Leo: Well, one, I thought of the news as something that strengthen my aspirations for a better life. It can be here in the Philippines or somewhere else. It’s an inspiration to better myself.

Emel: Hmmm, I heard you have plans of migrating somewhere?

Leo: It is still a plan. All I know is that I want better life, have my own family, get married and raise my kids to a peace-loving and progressive society.

Emel: That sounds cool. So how are things going with you and Nimmy?

Leo: Nimmy has been my anchor. I couldn’t imagine myself going through these struggles in life without him. He inspires and loves me so much. We see each other every Saturday. We go malling, badminton and sometimes have coffee together. It’s great being with him. I love our conversations and the way we plan our lives together. Sometimes we argue, however it rarely happens like 1 in 3745 interactions. Our relationship has been known to many, but the thing is, we get to have most of the things for ourselves. We have so many cherished moments together, but I’d rather not say it all.

Emel: Ok, I understand. How true that you are missing living-in with Nimmy?

Leo: Yes, a lot. I most of the time talk about this with Nimmy. I always catch myself thinking about our previous set-up. It was the best time of my life so far.

Emel: Do you guys have future plans of sharing under one roof again?

Leo: Yes, we have plans. It can happen soon.

Emel: So how are you and your job hunting? How’s the business going?

Leo: There was a point last June that I got so depressed and deactivated almost all of my social networking sites for not having a job. It was not the best thing to do, and it was coward. Once, I felt that applying for a job and failing was becoming a cycle. It was depressing, Emel. I felt worthless really. On the sidelines, I tend to have more time to study business concepts. Initially, I felt it was joke to manage my father’s agricultural land. Agri-business is not my cup of tea. Seeing my small wins, I feel more that I was dodging a bullet, not only for myself but also for my family. I still don’t want to settle. I still would want not only to see the business picking-up, but also to fulfill my desire to grow professionally. After all, it would not hurt to earn from business and at the same time from employment. It’s like having two jobs. How cool is that?

Emel: That’s sad to hear but I’m glad that you get to do something while waiting. Are you ok?

Leo: I think I am. I chose not to dwell much on it. I said it too much to myself, but I mean it now. I’m keeping my faith.

Emel: How does this experience change you?

Leo: It made me talk to God more than ever. I become more prayerful. I become more hopeful for a better life. Prayer keeps me sane. It helps me create good decisions and it helps me accept things coming my way. I become more positive in dealing with life.

Emel: Was there a time you felt God is not answering you?

Leo: I still worry sometimes. I’m still anxious about what will happen to my future. I don’t know what will happen next, and I feel that my current situation is not helping me. There were moments I feel helpless. So to answer your question, I say yes. But I believe that God’s delayed answer is not God’s denial. Just because it’s not happening, it’s not going to happen. I feel that God will give to people what they ask for, but in His own time. If it is taking longer, then He is creating the perfect situation.

Emel:  Wow, you’ve really said it right. Indeed, with God, nothing is impossible.

Leo: That’s true. You don’t need to worry. Strong faith really matters on these hard and trying times.

Emel: Your birthday will be this coming Thursday, the 20^th. What is your birthday wish?

Leo: Health for me and Nimmy.

Emel: You are turning 31. Do you believe you have matured enough for your age?

Leo: I don’t think there’s a measure of maturity for any age. I just know that whatever you do, as long as you’re not encroaching on anybody’s right, you’re good. To add, God doesn’t judge us based on age.

Emel: Haha. I couldn’t agree more. So how do you feel now?

Leo: I realized after doing this makes me feel stupid talking to myself. But I enjoyed it, really. Thank you.

Emel: You’re always welcome.  Should you wish to talk to someone, you know where to see me.

Leo: Nah, I think I’m good. 

Emel: Any final message? 

Leo: To myself, you're one hell of a guy. You're handsome and kind. Keep being crazy, but do not cross the abnormal kind of way. Enjoy what you are doing best and the rest will follow. God loves you.