Sixteen
months is a perpetual epoch for someone to be single for my own standards. I've asked people and their view seems to be quite consistent. For most of them,
they feel that I should have enjoyed more. Meet more guys, hang-out, date and
refocus my energy with career and other society driven paramount.
As
I cogitate my singlehood, there’s only one resounding feeling all throughout
this. I want to get out of this episode. I should put a stop.
And
came this person.
I
met him in my favorite social media platform, Twitter. I was trying to remember
until now, who added who. But it dawned on me that this guy has caught my
attention. He’s not the typical tweep who will post self-centered, ego-boost
and “pa-pogi” tweets. You won’t see any pretentions at all. In the onset, you
will just see raw emotions from his previous break-up. There were times I want
to throw-up in his self-loathing tweets. Sometimes I think his drama is over
the top, "teleserye" kind of way.
Well,
I can blame my messianic complex in me getting to be interested with this
person. I feel that his problematic break-up is just the same break-up moments I
went through my ex. I feel that I can relate. I feel that I can help.
I
can help.
Without
any intentions whatsoever, I reached out and ask for his picture, had a couple
of DMs, got his number and ask him out. I learned he’s an architect by
profession, working in an outsource firm.
Ok,
I may have plans of dating him, but when I found out he’s in Pampanga, I
recalculated my plans and decided there that this will not work out, and maybe
he’ll just need someone like me to talk to.
We
exchange texts from time to time and ask him if he has plan to visit Manila, just
to try my luck. I entertained other guys but I still check up on him. I read
his tweets and nothing change. He’s still emo and I can imagine him all the
time with bangs, black shirt, black nail polish and all that stuff. He’s funny most
of the time.
Then
came a week before May 10. I decided to ask him out and he surprisingly said
yes (insert big smile here). I don’t know what’s with the month of May, but this
month was actually important to me and my ex since we celebrate previously our
anniversary this time of the year.
And
the rest was history. First meet-up turned out great, but still, I don’t know
if this person was interested with me.
If
you ask me, I am already attracted to him. We talked and decided to be in an “exclusively
dating” phase. If I recall, I feel I was so ready to jump into a commitment.
I was in a constant rush and I was afraid he can’t paddle the boat with me.
First
few weeks or months were kinda rough for both of us. Our adjustment is just
messed up and if we didn’t get our act together, it could have just ended with
nothing but a short-term, band aid solution for our loneliness. There’s this
point where we try to argue about certain things. He claiming I have “trust”
issues, while on the other hand, I feel it has something to do with “personality
differences.”
With
the challenges we are faced on our set-up, I am surprised every day that we
still remain to be strong as a couple. This guy has shown a lot of patience and
putting up with my tantrums and drama. There are so many reasons why he should
not fall for me, but he just shrugged it off. There were no days I haven’t talked
to him. And every single day, we get the chance to know each other more. Admittedly
I think, he has shown more maturity in handling relationship than me.
Knowing
him more was just the biggest adventure I had. For someone who is not out as a
gay guy, I never went beyond understanding their situation and predicament. I
was obstinate by the fact that it’s their fault why they are still living
inside the closet. But now, I get to understand it more through him. Aside from
understanding the situation I learned how to accept the person whether he is
out or not.
I
always thank the day I met him.
I
feel I can take on new challenges in life and be the better person for him and
our future. I myself, find it ridiculous that I find my center when I am in
love. That no matter how hard I tell myself that career is important, I still
long for a partner. Lame as you may see it, but I’ve seen my worst side because
of that emptiness inside.
What’s
left to do is to try my very best to keep this together with a long-term goal
and aspiration.
Love
has found me after being lost for some time however, I am happy that I’ve
already found the right reason and courage to write the biggest love story of
my life. No doubt, he has my heart and he deserves the love I've been wanting
to share.
For
a life-time.
Cheers.
