Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Begin Again

It was just another day for me when all of a sudden someone was pinging me, inquiring about my email address. I was thinking of which one to give as I've thought he will drop his resume and apply to our company. Never did I expect I'll receive a very pleasant surprise. 


I need to tell you something. I told you that I was inspired by your blog to write an entry for my own blog same way as you did. And I thank you because it serves as an outlet for me to pour out my emotions and feelings of longing for my better half. But one thing you need to know, as I write down every words of that letter, I think about you because I really like you. I don't know your whole personality, we don't met in person and I never heard your voice before, but one thing I'm pretty sure of, that I like you since I saw your profile on chat app. The moment I saw your bearded face with a sweet smile, I told to myself that this guy is so appealing to me. As we go along knowing some details of each other's life, the level of attraction I had on you continually increases.

I believe that being attracted to you is not my choice, it is instant and I can't control. But liking you after being attracted to you is my choice. I chose to like you because I think our hands fit together, I think that you're my missing puzzle piece, that I'll be more happy when I'm with you. But I've got no evidence for that, I've got no proof that we can sing the same song. Our lives differ from one another, you're in the city I'm in the province, you're almost at the peek of your career and I'm just a beginner in my career, you've got a lot of experience in relationship and I've got none, your real personality is all out in public and mine is not. At the back of my mind, I think I'm not your type and I'm not your ideal guy. Honestly, I'm afraid to be rejected, and I think all of us don't like that feeling. But I'll take the risk that I might be knocking on the wrong door. At least I've got the opportunity to know you and be your friend.

The reason why I send this letter to you, is for you to know that there's someone, somewhere here in Bulacan, appreciates your existence, your kindness, your intelligence, your  stories, your beauty from inside and out, your creativity and lastly, your beard and mustache. Probably you're laughing while reading this message, thinking that I'm out of my mind or it's just a result of my immaturity, but, as I told you I've never been in any relationship and never been a suitor to anyone. So I don't know what to do. This is the only way I know to catch your attention, for you to know my feelings and to know that I'm very serious to you. For now, I can't afford to ask you for a date, so this letter is my only chance to show and prove to you that I really like you.

Leo, I like you! That's all, thanks!


After the dating fiasco I recently had, this act of confession diluted the hurt and was replaced by reactions like,

“No, this can’t be happening…”

“Is he serious?”

“Wow, he can write well!”

“Oh my, what have I done to him?”

“Awww, that is cute!!! Why me?”

Why me?

Then with a knee-jerk impulse I answered, “WHY NOT.”

After all that has transpired during the past few days, I can’t help but question my capacity to be loved again. That spark of hope I was talking about in the recent blog entry got watered like a plant. It was ignited like a fire on its minute phase. He made me feel important, but more than anything else, he made me feel that I deserve another chance.

I admire him for taking the risk. I can see myself in him that I, like him has the propensity to take risk and be straightforward enough when it’s needed. It’s admirable for a guy to put that effort. For when I stopped to chase, someone was willing to stand up and care to volunteer. Someone is confessing to me. Someone is pouring all his heart out, word per word. I mean, in my lifetime, I've only experienced this in few occasions.

I’m not sure where this would lead. But I sure do hope that this time, it’ll be sweeter.

It’ll be sweeter. 

Sunday, March 16, 2014


How on earth I allowed this to happen?

When all the while, I thought I was strong and sturdy, a certain move leads me to another broken hearted episode. When I controlled every sense of my feelings and posed a dominant facade, I come crumbling down to pieces.  On a Sunday noon, when all are in the confines of home, relaxing and enjoying the day, here I am, in tears as I type this blog entry.

Why am I attracted to someone and when I get to know him more, I fell? Then for some reasons, I put myself into a hurting situation when all the while, I should have known better?

I should know better.

But I chose to be the loving guy that despite knowing his reputation, I am here to love and accept. Albeit I am in dark knowing how I stand in his life, I was willing to take that risk to embrace all of him. Despite the fact, that all I get, is that this has never been a big deal for him. 

How cheap can I get that I endure these miserable and faltering emotions? This is unbecoming of a dignified person that I know of. I anticipate frustrations from my life mentors. How can I be proud of this failure?

It’s a sad state of affairs. And there’s only one to be blamed.


I know I can pick-up from this mess. I’ve come to terms that I can move on in a snap.
But this one is complex. For when I started to believe again in love, this blow just made me realize that it’s just over. I am doomed and will never find him ever.

How can I bring back that spark of hope?

I think a sound sleep can give me back that mental shape. I think a long and profound sleep can mend that hurt.

Or I can just be sleepless. Until I learn how to be tough again.